Great White Shark Prohibited from Previewing Providence 70.3 Swim Course

A young (we think 20-24 age group) Great White Shark measuring 10′ in length and 1000 lbs was recently trapped about a mile from the Providence 70.3 swim course. Although he was released (it’s the law) after being given a stern talking to by race organizers, sources speculate that the poor fellow didn’t make it. Or maybe he did….

This is what our weather has been like for 2months straight.
This is what our weather has been like for 2months straight.

I suspect we may see some outrageous swim times in 2 weeks. Remember, I don’t have to outswim the shark, I just have to outswim you. Or some other poor sucker. But seriously, I was/am a marine biologist, and I know a thing or two about… small singing fish. But I did have a shark course at some point, plus I watch the Discovery Channel, so I can tell you this. There is almost zero chance that a Great White would be interested in a swim wave of triathletes. Their normal prey are shiny black seals swimming in packs. And that crack about not being the slowest swimmer is totally inaccurate. GW’s attack from below, and would probably aim for the MIDDLE of the pack.

Of course, being a former marine biologist, I can catch this bird for you, but it ain’t gonna be easy. Bad fish. Not like going down the pond chasin’ bluegills and tommycods. This shark, swallow you whole. Little shakin’, little tenderizin’, an’ down you go. And we gotta do it quick, that’ll bring back your triathletes, put all your businesses on a payin’ basis. But it’s not gonna be pleasant. I value my neck a lot more than three thousand bucks, chief.

Assuming I make it to the beach, this could be my best chance ever for a Kona slot!!

(disclaimer: The preceding story, while containing factual data, is mainly a blatant attempt to scare away as many of my competitors as possible in the desperate attempt to nab a Kona slot. If I even race that is.)